The fear of missing out is becoming more common with the rise of social media. Learn about the connection between mental health and FOMO and tips for coping.
Fear of missing out (FOMO) involves anxiety and unease about how others might be having more rewarding experiences than you. FOMO isn’t unique to the online world. You might feel it when friends at the dinner table tell you about an exciting vacation they’re about to go on. However, social media usage tends to worsen FOMO. That’s because, at any time of day or night, you can scroll through your feed and fixate on what’s happening in the world and what other people are doing without you.
FOMO can show up in many different ways. It can be a fleeting thought that enters your mind after seeing something you wish you were a part of—a video of a concert, for example, or a picture of a wedding or graduation party. Or it can manifest as an urge to compulsively check your phone for notifications and updates. You might sit alone, feeling envious about how much fun others are having as you scroll through your feed, only to later realize how much time has passed you by.
If this sounds like you, you’re certainly not alone in these habits. In fact, you probably know lots of people who always seem to be glued to their phones, whether in class, at work, or on a date.
A fear of missing out can distract you from the present moment, and have a significant impact on your well-being. It can lead you to neglect self-care, relationships, and work or school responsibilities. It can also trigger negative emotions, such as anxiety, depression, and loneliness.
No matter how you experience FOMO, there are steps you can take to make it more manageable and less disruptive in your daily life. Start by understanding the psychology of FOMO, and then take steps to overcome the negativity it creates in your life.
People are social animals and we’re hardwired to fear exclusion. For early humans, being included in group activities like hunting was necessary for survival. This is why rejection can be such a painful experience; the brain is wired to seek a sense of belonging and acceptance by others. The fear of missing out is a product of that instinctual craving for inclusion.
Today, we live in a world of extreme interconnectivity. There’s always access to information through the internet and social media. So, there’s always a chance to compare your life to someone else’s, and always a chance to observe events that you’re missing out on.
What you’re missing may not be a matter of life or death—a friend’s birthday party, a travel opportunity—but it still makes you feel excluded. And seeing the highlight reel of another person’s life can make you feel envious and inadequate, even if those posts don’t reflect reality.
Despite how it’s often casually used nowadays as a slang term, FOMO can have serious mental health consequences. Some research shows that excessive social media usage and FOMO can contribute to anxiety. The desire to constantly say “in the loop” keeps you from enjoying life. Instead, you spend more time ruminating about what you’re missing, and that leaves you feeling stressed.
FOMO can also fuel depressive symptoms and weigh down your self-esteem. You might constantly compare your life with the idealized lives that other people present on social media—seemingly always out, always having fun. You begin to believe that you don’t measure up to your peers.
FOMO can also have a two-way relationship with other negative feelings, such as boredom and loneliness. If you’re feeling lonely, or bored by a task at work or school, for example, it can amplify your feelings of FOMO. At the same time, experiencing FOMO from observing the lives of other people on social media can deepen your sense of loneliness, or make a boring task seem even worse.
FOMO can also impact your behavior by creating a cycle of unhealthy habits that worsen your emotional well-being.
Overcommitment. Maybe you end up agreeing to every invitation that comes your way out of fear that you’ll miss out on some magical moments. You might find yourself overcommitting to events and feeling exhausted as you neglect your self-care.
Taking unnecessary risks. Some research shows that teens with FOMO are more likely to engage in risky activities to fit in. You might participate in activities that are harmful, such as binge drinking, because you want to feel included.
Being distracted at work or in school. If you’re constantly checking your phone to look at notifications from friends, you’ll have a harder time focusing on tasks in front of you. In attempting to multitask, you may end up making more mistakes.
Neglecting healthy sleeping and eating habits. Excessive social media use can affect the quality of your sleep. Being glued to your phone late at night can make it harder to fall asleep and take a toll on your physical and mental well-being. Similarly, you might also opt for quick but unhealthy foods rather than dedicating time to cooking at home, or develop an unhealthy, sedentary lifestyle to accommodate your fixation with social media.
If it feels like FOMO and social media have taken over your life, know that there are ways to regain control.
It starts with developing a better understanding of yourself, including your feelings, motives, and values. Then, you can cut down on worry and rumination by developing mindfulness, managing anxiety, and limiting your social media usage.
Building self-esteem and establishing genuine relationships will allow you to better appreciate your own experiences. And finally, it’s important to know when to seek professional help.
The first step to coping with FOMO involves some self-exploration. You’ll want to consider what’s driving your fear of missing out, what’s consuming your attention, and areas you’d rather focus on.
Acknowledge your feelings. Most people experience FOMO at some point. As mentioned earlier, the desire to feel included and updated is natural. Don’t shame yourself for that. Instead, resolve to make progress in shifting your focus to the present.
Identify what emotions and circumstances drive your FOMO. Perhaps you’re worried that your relationships will only survive if you continually share or engage with other people’s posts. Maybe you fear that you’ll miss an invitation to an impromptu hangout or fall behind on news or gossip if you don’t check social media.
Decide what’s important to you. Imagine your attention as a spotlight. When you have FOMO, that spotlight may be aimed at events in someone else’s life or events that don’t directly impact you. Instead, shine the spotlight back on your own life.
By setting your own goals, you can pinpoint what’s important in your life and begin to shut out distractions.
You have a list of your goals and priorities. However, you still need to work on keeping your attention on your own experiences, not other people’s. This is where mindfulness—the act of being present in the moment—comes in. Through regular practice, mindfulness can be strengthened like a muscle.
Experiment with meditation. A guided mindfulness meditation requires you to set aside a little time in your day, but it can also help you tap into mindfulness and familiarize yourself with how it works.
Immerse yourself in your senses. Outside of meditation, you can use mindfulness throughout the day to stay present. One quick and simple way is to focus on a sensory experience. If you’re sitting outside, close your eyes and turn your attention to the sounds around you or the feeling of the sun and wind. If you’re eating food, put away your phone, slow down, and savor the taste and smell. Do this for a few minutes, gently nudging your attention back to your senses when your thoughts begin to wander.
Be mindful of your urges. It’s easy to fall into the habit of mindlessly picking up your phone every few minutes. The next time you want to check your phone, stop and resist the urge for a moment.
FOMO often goes hand in hand with anxiety and stress. You may spend a lot of time feeling anxious about whether others are excluding you from events, or checking social media so often that you’re losing sleep, which only elevates your stress.
Take the following steps to better manage stress and anxiety.
Get physical. Exercise releases serotonin, dopamine, and other mood-boosting chemicals in the brain. It can also have the long-term benefit of reducing stress and anxiety. Build an exercise routine you enjoy and can stick with, whether it’s walking, biking, swimming, or weightlifting. Activities that mix movement with breathing exercises, such as yoga, can add a mindfulness element and be particularly helpful.
[Read: The Mental Health Benefits of Exercise]
Write down your fears and stressors. Journaling is a self-care practice that involves putting your thoughts, feelings, and experiences down on paper. You can use prompts to get started or simply just start writing and see what happens. Journaling can help boost your mood and reduce feelings of distress. In terms of FOMO, it might also help you figure out what you’re actually worried about missing out on.
Practice gratitude. FOMO involves anxiety over what you might be missing, but gratitude involves appreciating what’s in front of you. Either in a journal or simply in your own head, note three things each day that you feel grateful for. Over time, you may notice your perspective shifting and your FOMO subsiding.
If scrolling through social media makes you feel anxious or inadequate, consider setting boundaries with technology. You don’t have to quit social media entirely. One study found that limiting social media usage to around 30 minutes a day could reduce feelings of depression and loneliness. Just start by trying out these strategies.
Download an app that tracks your social media usage. You can then allot yourself a certain amount of social media time per day or per week. Go with what seems reasonable for you.
Designate phone-free times throughout the day. To limit the temptation to check your phone, leave it in a different room while you’re eating dinner or doing homework, for example. Or store your phone in a backpack while you’re spending time with friends or at work.
Turn off notifications. Whether they come in the form of sounds, vibrations, or visual cues on your screen, notifications serve to pull your attention away from whatever you’re doing. Once notifications are turned off, resolve to only check your phone once in a given timeframe. For example, you might allow yourself to check it once an hour.
Set up barriers to social media. Consider removing social media apps from your phone so you can’t access them with a single tap.
As you reduce your time on social media, it might also be helpful to remember that most people’s posts are carefully curated. The images and videos they present may not reflect their actual reality. In fact, they might also be experiencing FOMO.
FOMO can be associated with low self-esteem. You might worry that your friends don’t like you enough to invite you to the next party, or constantly check social media to see if people are reacting to your posts. Changing how you evaluate your individual worth and value can be helpful in overcoming such fears.
Practice positive self-talk. Consider how your internal monologue can either tear you down or empower you. Negative self-talk, such as “No one wants you around,” can exacerbate FOMO. On the other hand, positive self-talk can lead to increased self-esteem. Unfortunately, negative monologue can be so habitual that you might not even notice when it’s happening. Get to know some common cognitive distortions (automatic negative thoughts) and then practice challenging or replacing them with healthier thoughts.
List your strengths. Low self-esteem often involves a fixation on your flaws. Take some time to do the opposite. Make a list of your achievements, strengths, and compliments you’ve received. When listing achievements, you can take things a step further and include the actions you had to take to reach the goal. For example, “I completed a difficult degree program by carefully managing my time and identifying which study skills worked for me.”
Add to your skills. Learning new skills reminds you that you’re capable of growth, boosting your self-esteem. Doing so will also help you keep your attention on your life rather than whatever is happening on social media. Look to build new skills at work or in your hobbies. Maybe you learn how to use new tools to help with your work. Or perhaps you take classes to become a better cook or painter.
As explained, loneliness can make FOMO worse and vice versa. You’re much more likely to experience FOMO when you’re on your own, than if you’re with a group of friends having fun. Instead of remaining isolated, try the following tips for nurturing stronger relationships:
Schedule regular meetups with friends, coworkers, and family members. For example, you might commit to weekend coffee date with a friend or daily jogs with your sibling. If you can’t meet in person, consider phone calls or video chats.
Reach out to acquaintances. Rather than reinforce existing relationships, you can also aim to deepen other connections. This could involve anything from phoning an old friend to inviting a new coworker out to lunch.
Join a volunteer group. Whether you decide to work at an animal shelter or participate in park clean-up sessions, volunteering can help you meet new people. It can also make you feel as if you’re part of something bigger than yourself, giving you a sense of fulfillment.
Join a support group. If you’re dealing with anxiety, depression, or some other mental health issue, consider looking into local support groups or group therapy options. You may even be able to find groups for issues like smartphone and internet addiction.
While many people experience the fear of missing out to some degree, if t it’s interfering with your daily life and well-being, you may want to get professional help from a therapist, either in-person or via an online therapy platform.
Some reasons to seek therapy for FOMO:
It’s affecting your work or academic performance. Maybe you feel like you’re unable to calm your mind and focus on the tasks in front of you.
It’s affecting your relationships. You might constantly seek validation from those around you, or feel paranoid that you’re being excluded from events or groups.
You’re using unhealthy coping methods. Perhaps you’re using drugs, alcohol, or emotional eating to cope with all the negative feelings you experience.
A skilled therapist, either in-person or via an online therapy platform, can work with you to identify what’s behind your FOMO and how you can go about changing your behaviors in a healthy manner. Cognitive behavioral therapy techniques—for example, keeping records of your negative thoughts and reframing them—can help you lead a more intentional life.
BetterHelp is an online therapy service that matches you to licensed, accredited therapists who can help with depression, anxiety, relationships, and more. Take the assessment and get matched with a therapist in as little as 48 hours.
Take Assessment HelpGuide is user supported. We earn a commission if you sign up for BetterHelp’s services after clicking through from this site. Learn moreWanting to feel included is normal. But when you let your fears run amok, you can get caught in a cycle of social media addiction and negative emotions, unfairly comparing your life to other people’s lives.
Remember that you’re not alone in experiencing FOMO. However, it doesn’t have to loom over you. Consider that the things you’re “missing out on” might be right in front of you at this very moment. You can pull yourself back to the present moment, appreciate what’s happening in your life, and foster a better sense of well-being.
Last updated or reviewed on October 25, 2024Changing habits to avoid anxiety, depression, addiction, and FOMO
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