How to Build ConfidenceTips to Be More Confident

What is confidence?

Confidence is often defined as a feeling of assuredness or certainty in someone or something. Self-confidence is a belief in yourself and your abilities. You may feel confident that you’ll pass a course at your local community college, for example. When have confidence, you have no doubt that you’ll succeed.

However, confidence can also be a way of acting. It’s when you trust yourself to act, move forward, and grow, even if you feel uncertain about the potential outcome. When you act with confidence, you might not feel certain that you’ll pass that course—you might even fear it—but you sign up for it regardless.

Many people pass up opportunities or rein in their ambitions due to a lack of confidence. You might avoid asking someone out on a date, for example, decline to apply for your dream job, or not put yourself forward for a promotion. In these cases, a fear of rejection or being disappointed stops you from acting. You’re not trusting yourself to persevere if a setback occurs.

This type of mindset can not only limit your growth but can also affect your mental health. You may feel depressed over missed romantic connections or friendships, or anxious about whether you’ll ever succeed at school or in the workplace.

Boosting your self-confidence—your internal sense of trust—can come with many benefits. When you’re self-confident, you’re willing to try new things and take risks that enrich your life. You may feel more empowered to set boundaries, pursue goals that align with your values, and be more flexible as you tackle life’s challenges.

It’s important to know that confidence is dynamic, not stable. In other words, you can always learn how to be more confident. It all starts with identifying barriers to confidence. Then, you can experiment with confidence-building tips and strategies until you find those that work best for you.

Self-confidence vs. self-esteem

Self-confidence is related to, but separate, from self-esteem. Self-esteem is your subjective appraisal of your own value and worth. Self-confidence, on the other hand, is about the trust you have in your abilities. High self-esteem does tend to overlap with confidence. You might see yourself as more valuable if you also trust yourself to navigate the world.

Common barriers to confidence

All sorts of factors can contribute to a lack of self-confidence. Some of them include:

Excessive expectations. You may never feel satisfied with your accomplishments. Your inner voice demands perfection, so failure is unacceptable and something to fear. This keeps you from taking risks that can lead to growth.

Overly harsh self-judgments. You may struggle with cognitive distortions, which are negative thinking patterns. Your self-talk might be very critical when you experience setbacks in life, telling yourself things like, “I’m dumb for overlooking this,” or “I always get this wrong.” Or you may be more focused on your weaknesses and mistakes, rarely taking a moment to appreciate your strengths.

Fixation with fears. When you dwell too much on fears, they can begin to restrict your behavior. Some of your fears may be rooted in past trauma, so you now avoid things that remind you of that emotional wound. You went through a bad breakup, for example, and now shy away from dating.

Lack of experience or skill. It’s hard to feel confident when you lack certain skills or have little experience. For example, you may lack confidence as a driver because you haven’t spent much time behind the wheel.

Childhood experiences. Your parents may have frequently criticized you or discouraged you from taking risks. Their words and actions could have undermined your confidence at an early age.

Discrimination. You may have picked up on societal messages—whether subtle or blunt—that someone of your age, race, or gender can’t succeed. You begin to doubt to your abilities, and even when you do succeed, you experience imposter syndrome, believing any success you achieve is undeserved

Personality. Some people may simply be more naturally confident than others. That’s because some aspects of personality are a matter of genetics. You might have friends who seem to be wired to have a more positive perception of their own abilities. However, confidence can be built with practice.

Signs that you need more confidence

One common misconception is that confidence is the absence of fear. A confident person isn’t necessarily fearless; they just act despite their fear. They step outside of their comfort zone without letting uncertainty or a fixation with failure hold them back.

Similarly, confidence doesn’t require that you know all the answers. Confident people trust themselves to find solutions or ask for help. They aren’t preoccupied with perfection, and they believe they have the resilience to bounce back from setbacks. They display a combination of courage, self-compassion, and competence.

Signs of low confidence

Here are some signs that you might need to work on your confidence:

You’re preoccupied with failures. The fear of failing keeps you from acting. You may consistently replay past mistakes in your mind. You might have a hard time visualizing yourself succeeding, and often overlook past successes.

You stick to your comfort zone. You tend to avoid new experiences and refuse to take any risks, even if they provide opportunities for growth. For example, you decline a party invite because you’re afraid of conversing with strangers.

You’re always comparing yourself to others. You measure your abilities and achievements against those of your peers, fueling feelings of inadequacy.

You constantly crave reassurance. Because you don’t trust yourself, you frequently ask others for validation or approval before making decisions.

You have unhealthy boundaries. Boundaries are limits you set with others to maintain your sense of autonomy and ensure your own physical and emotional comfort. If you’re unconfident, you might be hesitant to assert yourself. You rarely let others know about your wants and needs, instead allowing people to exploit or take advantage of you.

Tips on how to build confidence

Ways to build inner confidence include learning how to set goals, building healthy habits, and developing new skills. Confidence building also involves changing how you talk to and care for yourself. Adjusting your perception of failure is another important step in the journey.

Before following this series of confidence-building tips, ask yourself a few questions:

• How would you behave if you were more confident?
• How would you work with, play with, and treat others?
• What goals would you pursue, and what risks would you take?
• What habits would you drop?

Use the answers to guide you toward a version of yourself who acts with more confidence.

As you envision a more confident version of yourself, keep in mind that confidence isn’t the same as arrogance. An arrogant person tends to exaggerate their abilities and views others as “lesser” or beneath them. Arrogance can be harmful to your relationships because it makes you dismissive of others, and is often a mask for low self-esteem.

True confidence, on the other hand, involves a sense of humility and self-awareness. When you’re confident, you can feel secure in admitting you don’t have all the answers and remain open to asking for help and learning from others.

Tip 1: Set achievable goals

One way to build confidence is to set small, achievable goals. As you reach each goal—or even learn falling short is not the end of the world—you learn to trust yourself and your abilities.

Set goals using the SMART method. SMART is short for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. When setting goals, ask yourself:

• Is it specific? For example, instead of saying, “I want to be more assertive,” try, “I want to better express my opinions in work meetings.”
• Can I measure my progress? Maybe you aim to speak up twice per meeting or share one idea in each session.
• Is the goal achievable? Consider how time constraints, resources, and your current skill levels may make a goal unrealistic.
• Is it a relevant goal? Does it align with your overall goal to improve your confidence?
• Is it time-bound? You might aim to hit your goal or measure your progress after two months, for example.
  

Take time to congratulate yourself when you reach a goal. Even if you don’t succeed, acknowledge signs of progress. Perhaps you fail to speak up in a meeting, but overall, you’re less fearful of sharing your opinion.

Tip 2: Identify and replace unconfident habits

Habits are actions that you’ve engaged in so often that they’ve become automatic. Some habits are healthy and productive, and others aren’t. You might have some ingrained behaviors that can be associated with a lack of confidence. For instance, when you walk into a room full of strangers, you may avoid making eye contact or mumble greetings to avoid drawing attention to yourself.

Although bad habits and behaviors tend to be stubborn, they can be changed.

Don’t be afraid to start small. Discovering that you can form a small but new habit might be enough to give you a boost in self-confidence. With that in mind, decide on a simple habit to target. For instance, you might decide to change your habit of avoiding eye contact or mumbling when meeting new people.

Decide on a replacement behavior. Instead of trying to just “drop” the habit, think of an action that you want to replace it with. In this case, your aim could be to greet people by looking them in the eyes and smiling.

Visualize the habit. Imagine yourself displaying that new confident behavior. Or have a go-to mental image of someone else performing the action. Think of someone you know who makes people feel welcome with a warm smile and steady gaze.

Stick with it. To cement the behavior as a habit, you’ll need to be patient with yourself. On average, it takes about 66 days for a behavior to begin to feel automatic.

Tip 3: Develop skills and embrace continuous learning

Part of building confidence also involves building new skills. The path to gaining confidence with a specific skill can involve several steps.

• Practice the skill. If you want to gain confidence in public speaking, for instance, you might start by practicing a speech in front of a mirror.
• Apply the skill in real-world situations. You could speak up more often at a work meeting or give a presentation in front of a small class or group of colleagues.
• Assess the results. Take note of what you seem to be doing right and what can be improved. You may decide you want to talk slower or more clearly.
• Make changes as necessary. Be more mindful of your tempo, cadence, and pronunciation as you practice. By making little adjustments, you’ll improve over time. Be patient with yourself, and don’t beat yourself up if you make mistakes.

Ask for constructive feedback. You don’t need to do it all alone. For instance, you might seek advice from a friend who has more experience and confidence in public speaking than you do, or take a class.

Tip 4: Focus on positive self-talk

The way in which you talk to yourself influences your self-confidence. Maybe your internal dialogue is very critical, focuses on the negative, and leaves you ruminating about the future. On the other hand, positive self-talk can lead you to try new things and forgive yourself when things don’t go as planned.

Recognize negative self-talk. Negative thinking and self-talk, known as cognitive distortions, can come in many different forms. Maybe you regularly catastrophize or expect the worst-possible outcome to a situation. Or you may have an all-or-nothing mindset, only viewing things as absolutes—“I’m either a success or a failure!”—overlooking any middle ground. Recognizing the unwanted thoughts that frequently pop into your head is the first step in cognitive restructuring or the process of replacing negative thoughts.

Label your thoughts. For example, you might say, “I’m having the negative thought that I’m bad at math,” or “I’m having the thought that my friends secretly dislike me.” This helps you distinguish thoughts from facts and view your thoughts from a more objective perspective. It can also make it easier to move onto the reframing process.

Reframe negative thoughts. Reframing involves shifting to more positive or neutral lines of thinking. For example, you might shift from, “I’m terrible at my job” to “I’m not perfect at this, but I can always improve with practice.”

To begin reframing, identify a negative thought and ask yourself:

• Is this thought grounded in evidence? What’s an equally likely scenario?
• Is it useful to dwell on this? What’s a more productive action or line of thought I can adopt?
• What would I say to comfort a friend who had this thought?

Feed your positive self-talk. Aside from shifting negative thoughts, you can also try to nurture thoughts that make you feel good about yourself and life. Take a little time to consider the following prompts.

• When was the last time you expected things to go wrong, but everything turned out okay? What role did you play in ensuring that positive outcome?
• What were some things you accomplished this week? They could be as simple as, “I tried a new recipe,” or “I set a boundary with a pushy colleague.”
• What’s a compliment you’ve received that still sticks in your mind?

Regularly engaging with prompts like these can help you focus more on your strengths and boost your confidence.

Tip 5: Boost emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to understand and manage your emotions to ease stress, empathize with others, build stronger relationships, and overcome challenges. It can also have a role in improving self-confidence. It’s hard to trust in your ability to take action or persevere if you tend to lose control of your emotions, fly off the handle, or act inappropriately when you’re stressed.

Improving your EQ can help you recognize how your emotions impact your thoughts and behavior, and control impulsive feelings. You’ll be better able to manage strong emotions, rather than letting them overwhelm you, derail your intentions, or damage your self-confidence. HelpGuide’s Emotional Intelligence Toolkit can help you build the skills to better manage your emotions.

Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness involves focusing your attention on the present moment and keeping a nonjudgmental view. When applied to emotions, mindfulness can be a useful tool in cultivating self-awareness. You learn to recognize, accept, and become comfortable with a range of strong emotions.

One way to practice mindfulness is to slow down, identify, and label a particular emotion, such as rage or fear. Or you might check in with your body to determine how the emotion physically manifests itself—as a headache or a muscle tightness, for example.

Take time to journal. Journaling is another way to improve emotional awareness. Different writing exercises and prompts can help you declutter your mind, organize your thoughts, and process your emotions. Jot down current stressors or spend time freewriting about how you felt during a traumatic moment. You could even journal about things you feel grateful about. Journaling doesn’t necessarily need to involve pen and paper—you can use the voice-to-text function on your phone to record whatever’s on your mind.

Learn how to self-soothe. When you notice stress or anxiety bubbling up, have a list of go-to stress-relieving practices that work for you. Some relaxation techniques to experiment with include progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing, and visualization.

Tip 6: Practice self-care

Self-care activities, such as taking time to exercise, rest, and eat well, can affect confidence in several ways. First, they improve how you feel physically, often boosting your energy and mood. You might also feel better about yourself in terms of your appearance and ability to handle challenges.

Find a physical activity you enjoy. Exercise has many mental health benefits and can make you feel stronger, more attractive, and more energetic, boosting your confidence. It’s also been shown to release endorphins, chemicals in the brain that improve mood and reduce stress.

Treat your body with kindness. Aside from physical activity, your body has other needs, including rest and nutrition. Improving sleep hygiene will have benefits for your mental, emotional, and physical health. Eating a healthy, balanced diet can boost your energy levels and reduce your risk of future health problems.

Consider other forms of self-care. Self-care isn’t just about caring for your body’s physical needs. It can also involve activities that promote emotional, mental, social, and spiritual wellness. Take time to identify your self-care goals and make a plan that incorporates anything from meditation practices to nurturing healthy relationships.

Tip 7: Build a supportive social circle

The people you interact with daily can have a big impact on your confidence levels. They can inspire you to take action and lift you up when you’re feeling down, creating a positive feedback loop. As your confidence builds, you’re more likely to seek out satisfying relationships and reach out to loved ones.

However, this can also work in reverse. Friends and family members who are always critical or negative can damage your confidence.

Surround yourself with positive people. Have regular meetups with friends, coworkers, and family members who make you feel good about yourself. It might also be helpful to have friends who can gently nudge you out of your comfort zone or encourage you to seek out new challenges.

Set firmer boundaries with people who bring you down. There are likely people in your life who you love but who always seem to leave you feeling emotionally drained or doubtful about yourself. Perhaps they crack “jokes” that make you feel bad about yourself, or maybe they only have negative things to say in general. You might decide to set healthy boundaries, spend less time with them, or be more vocal about what you dislike about your interactions.

Volunteer. Volunteering is a great way to build new connections and develop new skills. Many people also gain a sense of meaning and fulfillment from helping others. You could try working at a local animal shelter, raising money for an important cause, or tending to a community garden.

Seek mentorship. Whether in academics or in your workplace, a mentor can provide a mix of guidance and support. They might even have confidence-building insights that are specific to your industry or area of study. Reach out to potential mentors through work events, industry seminars, or via social media.

Tip 8: Embrace setbacks and keep moving forward

Inevitably, you’ll experience setbacks in life—whether that means finding that your recipe didn’t come out as planned or being passed over for a job. However, learning to see failure as a constructive force is key to building self-confidence.

Let go of perfectionism. As you pursue your goals, abandon the idea of getting things 100 percent right. There’s always room for improvement. It might help to think of mistakes and setbacks as opportunities.

Focus on the process rather than fixate on the outcome. This doesn’t mean discarding your goals entirely. Instead, shift your focus and try to be curious about what you’re doing. If you enjoy video editing, you might experiment with different effects and transitions rather than fretting about how the final project will be received.

Look for what worked. What have you learned that might help you grow and do better next time? Maybe a recent job interview didn’t result in a job, but, while preparing for the interview, you gained more knowledge of the industry.

Acknowledge pain. Failure can be painful, especially if you’ve put a lot of time and effort into a task. Give yourself time to experience those feelings instead of trying to just push past them.

Be self-compassionate. What would you say to a friend who is in the same circumstances? How would you comfort them? Give yourself that same level of patience and grace.

[Listen: Being Kind to Yourself: A Meditation]

Build better confidence today

Self-confidence may not emerge overnight. It’s built over time and with intentional effort. Many of the steps to improving self-confidence require a long-term commitment. For instance, you’ll always find negative habits to let go of and new ways to adjust your self-talk.

Think of confidence as an ongoing process, a series of actions you take as you grow to accept yourself and see your full potential.

Last updated or reviewed on January 6, 2025