How to Manage Stress

Why the ability to manage stress is important

Being able to manage and relieve stress in the moment is the key to resilience. This ability helps you stay balanced, focused, and in control–no matter what challenges you face.

In small doses, stress can be a good thing. The stress response is the body’s way of protecting you. When working properly, it helps you perform under pressure, rise to meet challenges, and stay focused, energetic, and alert. But beyond a certain point, stress stops being helpful and starts causing damage.

When stress is out-of-control, it can get in the way of your ability to:

How stress affects relationships

Stress cripples your ability to accurately see and hear other people; be self-aware and in touch with your own deep-rooted needs; and communicate your needs clearly. When you’re stressed, your ability to listen and speak intelligently is impaired. Your mind can’t think clearly enough to remember the tips and use the appropriate tip to orchestrate your response.

Our stress responses are so powerful that, if we don know how to manage them, they can paralyze us emotionally and undermine even the strongest love or work relationships. Consider the following examples:

Irene’s new boss is giving her a hard time and to make matters worse, she’s not sleeping well. Cranky and anxious, she is in no mood to listen to her husband talk about his day. He feels hurt that she’s tuning him out, so he goes out for the evening by himself.

Joe is under a lot of financial pressure. He gets together with some friends after work, but his mind is preoccupied with his money problems. While Joe usually enjoys the playful kidding of his buddies, tonight it infuriates him and he explodes.

Terri is so overwrought by tensions with her mother that it’s affecting her work. She can’t seem to focus and her productivity has taken a nosedive. Her supervisor has noticed and warned her that if she doesn’t pull it together, he’ll have no choice but to let her go.

Stephanie is so jumpy and agitated from constant fighting with her husband that her coworkers don’t want to be near her. She thinks her colleagues dislike her, but they are just trying to avoid the waves of negative energy that radiate from her cubicle.

How to quickly manage stress tip 1: Realize when you’re stressed

The first step to reducing stress is recognizing what stress feels like. Many of us spend so much time in a stressed state, we have forgotten what it feels like to be fully relaxed and alert.

What does it feel like to calm and stress-free? You can see that “just right” inner balance in the smile of a happy baby—a face so full of joy it reminds adults of the balanced emotional state that most of us have misplaced. In adulthood, being balanced means maintaining a calm state of energy, alertness, and focus. Calmness is more than just feeling relaxed; being alert is an equally important aspect of finding the balance needed to withstand stress.

Signs that you may be stressed

How to quickly manage stress tip 2: Identify your stress response

Everyone reacts differently to stress. Some people get angry and do or say things they regret. Others shut down, withdraw, or freeze with anxiety. The best way to quickly relieve stress and calm yourself down depends on your specific stress response.

The most common ways of responding to stress:

 Psychologist Connie Lillas uses a driving analogy to describe the three most common ways people respond when they’re overwhelmed by stress:

• Foot on the gas – An angry or agitated stress response. You’re heated, keyed up, overly emotional, and unable to sit still.
• Foot on the brake – A withdrawn or depressed stress response. You shut down, space out, and show very little energy or emotion.
• Foot on both – A tense and frozen stress response. You “freeze” under pressure and can’t do anything. You look paralyzed, but under the surface you’re extremely agitated.

How to quickly manage stress tip 3: Discover what works for you

The best way to reduce stress quickly and reliably is through the senses: through sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you.

We all have different preferences and needs. What some people find soothing may be unpleasant or even stressful to others. For example, certain kinds of music may relax one person but irritate another. So you need to be a “stress-buster detective,” spending time figuring out what works for you. Then you can use what you’ve learned to create calming, sensory-rich environments at home, in your car, at the office, or wherever you spend time.

Knowing the right kind of sensory input is essential to:

• Speed up, if you are a person who is spaced out or depressed
• Slow down, if you are a person who is angry or agitated
• Help get unstuck, if you are a person who is frozen with anxiety

Learning the sensory stress-busting techniques that work for you give you a powerful tool for staying clear-headed and in control. You’ll have the confidence to face challenges, knowing that you have the ability to rapidly bring yourself back into a state of equilibrium.

The five senses: The best way to quickly relieve and manage stress

You can rapidly reverse the effects of stress by exposing yourself to sensory input that brings you back into balance. Sensory input encompasses what we hear, feel, touch, taste, and see. You can use the five senses to soothe, comfort, and invigorate yourself almost immediately. All you need are a few short minutes.

Movement for quick stress relief

If you tend to shut down when you’re under stress, stress-relieving activities that get you moving may be particularly helpful. Anything that engages the muscles or gets you up and active can work. Here are a few suggestions:

Sight for quick stress relief

If you’re a visual person, try to manage and relieve stress by surrounding yourself with soothing and uplifting images. You can also try closing your eyes and imaging the soothing images. Here are a few visually-based activities that may work as quick stress relievers:

• Decorate your home or office with cherished photos and favorite mementos.
• Bring the outside indoors; buy a plant or some flowers to enliven your space.
• Enjoy the beauty of nature–a garden, the beach, a park, or your own backyard.
• Surround yourself with colors that lift your spirits (paint your walls with your favorite color, for example)
• Close your eyes and picture a situation or place that feels peaceful and rejuvenating(e.g. playing with a beloved pet or baby; thrilling to a game of tennis or basketball; a day at the seashore swimming in clear blue water). The more sensory rich the image, the better.

Touch for quick stress relief

Experiment with your sense of touch, playing with different tactile sensations. Focus on things you can feel that are relaxing and renewing. Use the following suggestions as a jumping off point:

Sound for quick stress relief

Are you sensitive to sounds and noises? Are you a music lover? If so, stress-relieving exercises that focus on your auditory sense may work particularly well. Experiment with the following sounds, noting how quickly your stress levels drop as you listen:

Smell for quick stress relief

If you tend to zone out or freeze when stressed, surround yourself with smells that are energizing and invigorating. If you tend to become overly agitated under stress, look for scents that are comforting and calming.

Taste for quick stress relief

Slowly savoring a favorite treat can be very relaxing, but mindless stress eating will only add to your stress–and your waistline. The key is to indulge your sense of taste mindfully and in moderation. Eat slowly, focusing on the feel of the food in your mouth and the taste on your tongue:

Incorporating stress-relieving skills into your life

Learning to use your senses to quickly manage stress is a little like learning to drive or to play golf. You don’t master the skill in one lesson–you have to practice until it becomes second nature. Once you have a variety of sensory tools you can depend on and use, you’ll be able to handle even the toughest of situations.

Irene’s new boss continues to create stress at the office, but now when she comes home, Irene goes immediately into her peaceful, beautiful garden and literally “smells the roses.” By the time her husband gets home, she feels much more balanced and able to enjoy his conversation and company.

Joe has learned that when he gets angry, he needs to calm down before he does something he might regret. His solution is to take a pleasant memory break. An avid golfer, Joe takes a moment to recall the great shots he has made on the course. Within a few minutes, his tension dissipates.

Terri has found that she can become much more calm and focused at work if she spends a few minutes looking at the family photos on her desk and recalling great family vacations. She has become much more productive and her boss just gave her a raise.

Stephanie has learned that she can avoid tension by starting her day listening to music, rather than the news, on the way to work. She has also started keeping fresh flowers and a scented candle on her desk, which helps her preserve her good mood. Her colleagues now enjoy hanging around her cubicle.

Managing stress is one of the five key skills of emotional intelligence

The ability to quickly relieve stress is one of the five key skills of emotional intelligence. Together, the five skills of emotional intelligence help you build strong relationships, overcome challenges, and succeed at work and in life. The good news is that the skills of emotional intelligence can be learned by anyone, at anytime. But there is a difference between learning and changing, or applying what you’ve learned to your life. To learn in a manner that produces real change, you need to engage the emotional centers of the brain in ways that connect you to others. The best way to do this is through interactive, nonverbal, sensory-based exercises.

Developing emotional intelligence: A free, online learning program

EQ Central, a Helpguide-affiliated website, offers a free emotional intelligence training course. The step-by-step, self-paced course includes six articles and six video lessons filled with real-world examples and hands-on exercises that will help you learn to manage stress and master all of the skills of emotional intelligence.

Related links for how to manage and relieve stress

General information about managing and relieving stress

Understanding and Dealing with Stress – This course, prepared by a West Virginia-based organization that works with disabled people, presents a wealth of information on managing stress. (Mountain State Centers for Independent Living)

Managing Stress: A Guide for College Students – Offers a total wellness lifestyle plan for managing, reducing, and coping with stress. (University Health Center, University of Georgia)

Stress Management: How Do You React During Stressful Situations? – Evaluate the way you react to stress and learn how to transform your negative responses. (Mayo Clinic)

Strategies for Coping with Stress – Offers twenty-four tips for reducing and coping with stress (Texas Woman’s University)

Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jaelline Jaffe, Ph.D., collaborated on this article. Last modified: April 2009.