Low self-esteem can affect many areas of your life, including your mental health, work, relationships, and sense of self-worth. These tips can help you boost self-esteem and gain more self-confidence.
Self-esteem is how you evaluate your individual worth and value as a person. In other words, it’s all about how you perceive yourself. Whether or not you stop to explore them, you likely have strongly held opinions and beliefs about yourself. Those opinions and beliefs have a large influence on how you live your life and interact with other people.
Self-esteem sometimes overlaps with related concepts, such as:
Self-efficacy. This is confidence in your decision-making and your abilities to learn and grow.
Self-respect. This is a belief in your value as a person as well as your right to be happy, comfortable, and assert your needs and wants.
Healthy self-esteem means you’re aware of your faults, but you still like and accept yourself. You don’t see yourself as superior or inferior to other people. You’re confident in your ability to cope with change and endure setbacks. You also believe in your right to be happy and assert your needs. If you have healthy self-esteem, you’re able to be expressive, admit mistakes, and cooperate with others.
Low self-esteem is when you see yourself as being less than others. Maybe this belief makes you defensive or unassertive. Or perhaps you always feel desperate to “prove” yourself. You lack confidence in your ability to handle setbacks, and, as a result, you might be rigid and afraid of change.
Excessive self-esteem is also a possibility. This involves arrogance and a sense of entitlement. You see others as beneath you, so you’re overly critical of their flaws and tend to overlook your own weakness.
While your self-esteem is subjective, it can influence your behavior. It can affect how you act, and, in turn, your actions can affect your beliefs about yourself. For instance, if you have low self-esteem, you might decide to give up on a difficult project. This only reinforces your belief that you’re a “quitter” or “incompetent.” However, if you have high self-esteem, you might persevere and gain confidence.
With low self-esteem, you might allow people to disrespect you. You feel inferior, and so you tolerate relationships that tear you down. With high self-esteem, you tend to seek out healthier, more nourishing relationships.
If you have a negative perception of yourself, know that you can adjust your internal opinions and beliefs. Doing so requires reflection and effort, but the results can be life changing.
Your level of self-esteem can affect nearly every aspect of your life, including your mental health, relationships, physical health, and success in your school and work life. Here are some the benefits of healthy self-esteem as well as drawbacks of low self-esteem in different areas of life.
Low self-esteem may make you more susceptible to depression and anxiety. You may spend more time worrying about how others view you, and that can affect your overall mindset. Or you may fixate on the failures in your life and overlook your successes, which feeds a gloomy, negative perception of yourself.
High self-esteem seems to be a predictor of fewer mental health issues. You probably experience less stress because you’re not fixated on being perfect, and you’re more willing to ask other people for help. High self-esteem can also help build resilience—the ability to cope with times of uncertainty and crisis.
Your relationships can affect your level of self-esteem and vice versa.
If you have low self-esteem, you might tell yourself you “don’t deserve” friendships or romance, which leads you to socially withdraw. However, by isolating yourself, you diminish your sense of belonging and security, which in turn may diminish your sense of self-worth.
Having high self-esteem, conversely, may inspire you to be more open and social with those around you, and share your wants and needs. Other people then feel comfortable and reciprocate, creating a loop of open communication and stronger relationships.
Some research shows that people with good self-esteem experience more job satisfaction as well as success.
Healthy self-esteem might motivate you to pursue jobs that come with more responsibility or put you in more influential roles. Or you may take more challenging academic courses and, as a result, develop more valuable skills. If you experience setbacks, such as being passed over for a promotion, you’re more likely to try again.
On the other hand, if you have low self-esteem, you might steer clear of new learning opportunities or responsibilities at work due to fear of failure or negative feedback. Setbacks and criticism can feel especially painful, so you feel discouraged and quit when you fail to be the perfect student or worker.
[Read: Mental Health in the Workplace]
High self-esteem seems to be associated with fewer health problems, such as high blood pressure and diabetes. This might be because people with healthy self-esteem are more likely to ask for support, which reduces the amount of stress they carry around, improving cardiovascular health and their immune system.
If you have low self-esteem, you might neglect your personal health or engage in risky behavior because you have low regard for your own well-being. Or you may develop unhealthy eating patterns fueled by feelings of inadequacy or body shame.
Signs of low self-esteem can manifest in many ways. If any of the following sounds like you, you may be lacking in self-worth and self-confidence.
You’re easily discouraged. You may have a tendency to give up after you experience failure or even when you anticipate failure. You might end a potential romance after a bad date, for example, or not apply for a job because you don’t think you’ll stand out from other applicants.
You underestimate your abilities. Even when you’re performing on par with peers, you’re overly critical of your performance and assume you did worse than others on a task. You often feel like an imposter and undeserving of your success.
You engage in negative self-talk. Your internal dialogue is mean, overly critical, and often unfair. You might assume that other people dislike or look down on you, or perhaps you frequently shame yourself for things that aren’t actually your fault.
You have difficulty accepting compliments or acknowledging your achievements. If someone at work compliments your abilities, for example, you disregard their comment because it doesn’t align with your negative self-image.
You don’t nurture or follow through on your creative ideas. You may not see your ideas as valuable or unique, so you talk yourself out of artistic endeavors. Similarly, you might withhold your opinions because you don’t believe your thoughts or perspective are worth contributing.
You might be rigid because you don’t trust yourself to adapt to new circumstances. A fear of failure keeps you from taking small risks. You stick to your comfort zone, which hinders your growth at school, work, or in relationships.
You’re a chronic people-pleaser. You’re preoccupied with how other people view you, and you’re dependent on their approval. This might lead you to ignore your own wants and needs in hopes that they will like or praise you. Maybe you agree to take on more work than you can handle at the office, or perhaps you try to be the perfect student in class.
All sorts of factors can influence your self-esteem, including your thoughts, past experiences, and relationships with others. Understanding those factors can put you on the path to changing how you view yourself.
Age. Research shows that self-esteem tends to increase as a person grows from adolescence into adulthood. It seems to peak at around 50 or 60 years old before declining. However, this pattern isn’t consistent in all cultures, which implies that societal views on aging may play a role.
[Read: Ageism and Age Discrimination]
Loneliness and lack of social support. Humans are social animals, and isolation can leave you vulnerable to all sorts of mental and emotional health issues, including low self-esteem.
Physical or emotional abuse by parents. Negative early interactions you’re your parents, caregivers, or other attachment figures can have long-lasting effects on how you see yourself and judge your value. Bullying from siblings or peers can also diminish self-esteem.
Personality. Certain personality traits may be predictors of self-esteem. Neuroticism (being self-conscious, emotionally insecure) may be linked to lower self-esteem. People who are more extraverted, agreeable, and conscientious may be more likely to have higher self-esteem.
Your body image. For example, one study found that children who were teased about their weight had lower self-esteem.
Society’s unrealistic beauty standards. Ads for products that promise to help you reach “the perfect body size and shape” can make you feel bad about yourself. They amplify your imperfections and suggest that parts of you need to be “fixed” by whatever they’re selling.
Social media. On social media, it’s easy to spend your time comparing your life to the lives of your friends or celebrities. As you scroll through your feed, seeing pictures of other people’s attractiveness, happiness, and success, can make you feel down about your own life and abilities.
Building self-esteem involves changing the way you talk to yourself, think about yourself, and care for yourself. The goals you set for yourself and the people you surround yourself with can also play a role in overcoming low self-esteem.
For many of us, a little voice in our head is frequently making judgments about us and our experiences. When that internal dialogue is overly critical or only focuses on the bad, you’re engaging in negative self-talk.
Negative self-talk is more influential than you think. It often translates into unhealthy or unproductive behaviors. If you don’t think your opinion matters, you might fail to speak up for yourself. You may believe that you’re unlovable, so you self-sabotage a relationship or decide not to pursue a romantic interest.
Practice catching yourself in instances of negative self-talk. To do this, start by familiarizing yourself with common “cognitive distortions”, those negative lines of thinking that can almost feel automatic.
Here are some examples of cognitive distortions:
When you catch yourself saying something negative about yourself, challenge it. Ask yourself:
You can also try reframing your negative thinking with something more neutral or positive. “I’m stupid for making that mistake,” can become, “I’m imperfect and can learn from this mistake.” “I won’t recover from this breakup,” can turn into, “Now is a chance for me to refocus on myself.”
When you have low self-esteem, you tend to fixate on your weakest traits. One quick way to counter this is by making a list of your strengths.
Think about past accomplishments. Start by simply making a list of achievements. These achievements don’t need to be grand, such as winning awards or accolades. They could include feats that no one noticed except you, such as sticking to a weekly workout routine or quitting dessert after dinner. Or it could include larger hurdles you’ve overcome, such as managing an addiction.
Think about what traits led you to your achievements. A high score or grade may have required hard work. A successful relationship may have required good communication and a willingness to find compromise. Include those on your list.
Consider compliments. Oftentimes, other people see positive traits in us that we overlook ourselves. Include others’ compliments on your list, even if you normally disregard them. Perhaps a coworker said you’re patient with customers, or maybe your spouse said they appreciate your attention to detail.
Revisit your list. In times when you’re feeling down on yourself, pull out your list and review it. You can also add to your list over time.
People with low self-esteem often doubt their ability to develop new skills or improve on existing ones. Taking small steps to build competence can remind you that you’re capable of growth.
Adopt a growth mindset. Recognize that your traits and abilities aren’t simply fixed in place or predetermined. Change is possible through persistence and effort. A growth mindset also requires an openness to critical feedback and lifelong learning.
Make a list of general life skills you want to develop. Your list could involve anything from learning how to ride a bike to learning better ways to manage your finances. Once you have your list, you can begin building a list of resources, such as videos or books, to guide you. Other people can also be resources, so don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Consider ways to build work-related competence. For instance, you could learn how to use new software or other job-related tools. You might talk to your employer about taking on new responsibilities at work or joining a training program. You could even consider a change in career path.
Think of ways to further your current hobbies. Many of us derive meaning and purpose in our lives from our hobbies and interests. You could try learning a different musical instrument, play off a lower golf handicap, or attempt to grow unfamiliar vegetables in your garden, for example. Aim to move out of your comfort zone while still enjoying the activities you pursue.
Setting goals is an important step in growing as a person. However, goals that are simply unachievable can be counterproductive and drag you down rather than boost your self-esteem. Use these tips to create realistic goals.
Consider what’s possible, but don’t demand perfection. There’s nothing wrong with challenging yourself but remember to recognize your limitations. You might aim to improve your soccer game, but you shouldn’t expect to be a professional athlete overnight or without years of effort.
Take small steps. For example, if you’re trying to reach a big goal, try breaking it into smaller, simpler goals. As you accomplish each small goal, you’ll gain a little more confidence.
Make learning the objective. Even if you fall short of your goal, look for takeaways rather than being too hard of yourself. Choose to view mistakes and setbacks as learning opportunities. What worked? What can you do differently next time?
Congratulate yourself. Even small signs of progress are worth noting. Maybe you didn’t ace the test, but you worked up the courage to take the class and pursue higher education. Perhaps you didn’t get the promotion, but you were assertive enough to ask for one and voice your desire for a better position. You can add these experiences to your list of accomplishments.
People who truly value themselves also carve out time for themselves. By taking time to engage in the following activities, you can help reinforce the idea that you’re worthy of self-love.
Get active. Whether it’s in the form of solo exercise or team sports, physical activity can improve self-esteem. You might end a workout session feeling stronger or more capable. Or maybe toned muscles make you feel more attractive. Exercise also has been shown to boost your mood.
Practice mindfulness. Although more research is needed, some studies show that mindfulness—the practice of being present and nonjudgmental—may help improve low self-esteem. Mindfulness can help you practice self-acceptance and steer you away from excessive worrying.
Certain meditation practices can help you build mindfulness as well as self-compassion. Start with this guided practice: Being Kind to Yourself: A Meditation.
Make a habit of journaling. Journaling can be a quick and simple act of self-compassion. It allows you to acknowledge and reflect on painful experiences, or it can direct your attention to the good in your life. Experiment with different journaling prompts so you can explore your emotions and identify ways to grow.
Be kind to your body. In addition to exercise, your body also needs sleep and nutritious food. When you aim to improve your quality of sleep and eat a balanced diet, you may notice that your mood and the way you feel about yourself will also begin to shift.
Your relationships with others can have a powerful influence on how you see yourself. Here are tips on cultivating and maintaining healthier connections.
Take note of how you feel after spending time with people. Do any of them seem to leave you feeling emotionally drained? Do any of them seem to consistently put you down—perhaps even without meaning to? If so, consider finding healthier friends and social connections.
Spend time with people who share your values. This doesn’t mean you need to agree with them on every issue. However, agreeing on core beliefs can create a sense of understanding and belonging that boosts your self-esteem. One way to find like-minded individuals is to look for rewarding volunteer opportunities. Many people experience a boost in self-esteem from volunteering and helping others.
Talk to others about self-esteem. Share some of your internal beliefs and opinions with trusted friends and family members. You’ll likely find that the people around you have their own stories and struggles to share about self-worth. Build each other up by sharing what you like and admire about each other. Help each other grow as you enjoy shared hobbies and pursue new creative outlets together.
Be direct when asking for help. If you have low self-esteem, you might be likely to use indirect methods of seeking support, like sulking, rather than simply asking for help. Other people in your life, whether friends or partners, might respond negatively, such as by withdrawing from you, which only makes matters worse. Work on improving your communication skills so others can better understand you and your needs.
Set boundaries. Even if the people around you are uplifting, it’s still important to establish and maintain boundaries. You might ask coworkers to avoid contacting you after work hours or request that a friend avoid bringing up an uncomfortable topic. By setting boundaries, you practice voicing your needs and moving away from people-pleasing behaviors.
As mentioned, low self-esteem is often associated with more mental health issues. Some studies even suggest that it may come with a greater risk of self-harm and suicidal tendencies. You may see yourself as a burden to those around you or unworthy of self-care.
If you find yourself stuck in a spiral of negative self-talk and unhealthy behavior, feel no shame about reaching out for professional help. Everyone needs additional help sometimes. Start searching for a therapist, in-person or online, who can guide you toward higher self-esteem and confidence.
[Read: Finding a Therapist Who Can Help You Heal]
BetterHelp is an online therapy service that matches you to licensed, accredited therapists who can help with depression, anxiety, relationships, and more. Take the assessment and get matched with a therapist in as little as 48 hours.
Take Assessment HelpGuide is user supported. We earn a commission if you sign up for BetterHelp’s services after clicking through from this site. Learn moreYour self-esteem and sense of well-being are linked. High self-esteem steers you toward healthier habits and relationships, and it can help you remain resilient in the face of life’s many stressors and setbacks. How you currently view yourself isn’t set in stone. Making a few adjustments in how you talk to yourself, care for yourself, and interact with others can lead to incredible changes in how you feel each day.
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